Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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