Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
