is your mom at the bar?
even my farts smell like vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize