a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
