I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
