You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
