32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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