Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
