so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
