I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize