I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
