So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
