When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
