I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
