Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
