She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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