He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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