I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
