DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
