hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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