My liver just broke up with me...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
