I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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