i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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