the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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