Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
