i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
