if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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