Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
