our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
