but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
