I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hippo gnu deer
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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