i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
