The maid of honor just puked.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
