I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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