I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
