he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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