I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
