Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
