I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
