Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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