Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
