I need help removing her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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