can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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