just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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