I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
