I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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