You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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