I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
