the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
