no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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