Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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