I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
