Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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