she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
