wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
