i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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