Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
