So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
