My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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