remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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