Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
