i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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