It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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