doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
how does that bad decision feel?
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